1st Post Rant

by ashleyashes

I find myself watching Awkward. on MTV–show I’ve recorded to instead watch a previous recording because TV show producers love putting my favorite shows on at the same time–and I get inspired to yet again, initiate an attempt at online blogging. All bullshitting aside, I’ve tried and failed at these, both online and in writing. Although I never end up staying focussed on them, I always seem to have a new interest from time to time in making a new one. So here it is. After xanga, blogger, tumblr, livejournal, etc. But I have decided to create one at WordPress after doing a bit of research and coming to the conclusion that its the best blogging platform out there.

Anyway, after deciding on creating a new blog I put the thought aside and continue to pay attention to the program. Here’s the deal; Jenna, the protagonist, manages to get herself in the most completely random and awkward situations she can get into. She breaks her arm in what people think is an attempt at suicide, she participates in a public activity that puts her even more into the spot light, someone takes a nude picture of her and mass texts it to everyone in school. So, to get down to it, Jenna is having a hard time fitting in in High School. But, oh yes, there is a but. There is a boy. Oh yes, I said it, a boy. Jenna and this boy, Manny, did the dirty at camp, but he doesn’t want anyone to know about it. Of course, Manny is the hottest, most wanted guy in school. Of course. So he and Jenna do a little eye-flirting and whatnot, keeping their distance but obviously there is chemistry. After Jenna gets her cast off, and she thinks the spotlight is no longer on her, the nude picture spreads like wildfire. After failed attempts at trying to blow the whole thing over, Jenna says on her status that she wishes she had a hero to go save her. Immediately, my interest in the show hits rock bottom–I know whats going to happen next.

Sure enough, like clockwork, Manny shows up at the door that leads from Jenna’s room to the backyard (how convenient) to swoop in and rescue her. Oh my goodness! I can’t believe he actually did it! … Thanks a lot MTV, I get to watch another show with characters that are based off original Disney classics. Whats even better is when the characters themselves like to reference fairy-tale stories like Cinderella and Snow White. Then, all of a sudden, their lives are modern-takes on the lucky girls themselves. Oh how ironic.

Sure, I probably sound like a girl whose been dumped a lot, or hasn’t gotten dumped for the simple fact that she hasn’t been in a relationship (not going to tell you which, since its unbearably pathetic–you could probably guess all on your own), but this opinion may be true for just about anyone who has experienced heartbreak, turned on the TV and there it was, someone’s dreams magically coming true. I bet there are loads of people out there with their own fairy tale stories to tell their friends and families, but I will honestly say that this is what causes me to be so bitter in the first place.

Fairy tales are fictional stories about magical and imaginary beings and lands. Admittedly, there are many definitions you could give it, but the basis of it stands at this: Its fiction. Fiction isn’t real. Fairy tales aren’t supposed to be real. So when people have real life, magical stories to tell, I am the selfish one, who deep down underneath all the happiness I feels for the story teller, wishes that it was me. I want to have a true magical story, but I don’t. And the bitterness and pessimism I retain lead me to the conclusion that I will never have one to tell.

I want to be a psychology major. I’ve taken an intro class, I’ve read some books. I’ve done self reflecting and all that jazz. I know I’m not a doctor, and everything I assume could very well be complete bullshit. Now and then, I tend to psychoanalyze myself. And it pisses me off because it tends to show the weakness in me, and who likes to see that? Especially when you’re doing it to yourself. Anyway, this leads me into the idea that the reason I’m so bitter and pessimistic is because I want to believe there is a story out there for me, but I’m too much of a pussy to have hope just in case it actually doesn’t happen for me, and I don’t fall on my ass.

So in short, I say things won’t happen even though I believe they might because I’m afraid they won’t happen for me. Isn’t that on of the most pathetic and selfish things ever? Which then leads to the Awkward. senario. I was bothered with this episode because Ms. Awks got Mr. Hottie. I though it was cute when “the geek got the girl,” but relating it the other way around, makes me want to puke up my dinner and hurl chunks at the screen.

To make things more complicated, I actually do like the sappy shit on TV, in movies, books. It takes me away from my own world, but once the shows over, the movie ends, and the book comes to a close, there is a bridge from that story to my life. And its on that bridge back to reality where the rambling content originates.